<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know about you, but my life has been crazy lately. Well, it feels like that, anyway. You know what I\u2019m talking about. You\u2019ve got a to-do list humming along, and then everything falls apart because life hurls a bunch of unexpected events into your day. Sometimes I find the humor in it \u2026 sometimes I don\u2019t. What I really don\u2019t like, though, is the annoyance and disappointment I feel at night when I haven\u2019t completed the things that really had to get done. I\u2019m my own worst critic and I know it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Most tasks on my daily to-do list benefit many people (work, laundry\/house chores, errands, correspondence\/bills). Some however, are only for myself (read, exercise, connect). When things get super jumbled and I\u2019m short on time, it\u2019s always the personal stuff that goes undone. I know I\u2019m not alone in this. Lots of us are conditioned to put ourselves last in line, ranking the needs of other people higher than our own.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I know this behavior is maladaptive, but I haven\u2019t figured out how to consistently change it. I\u2019ve tried reading (both online and in print) about novel or effective approaches to a busy to-do list, but I will admit that all of this diligent research and planning is actually well disguised, time sucking procrastination.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
So, after much trial and error, and with two caveats, here\u2019s my current approach to the dreaded to-do list. If I follow this plan, chances are good that I will be able to fall asleep without feeling like the day was a complete failure:<\/p>\n
Given that I will always err on the side of getting everyone else\u2019s stuff done before my own, and given that any day\u2019s to-do list grows longer as the day progresses, start each day by selecting the one thing that will be THE MOST upsetting to me if it doesn\u2019t get done. Once chosen, make a mental to-do list and place it at the very top. Then, put The Universe on notice that this is the main objective for the day<\/em>. (Don\u2019t laugh \u2013 this is a very important final step.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n That\u2019s it. Pick one thing that matters\u2026 put it at the top of the list\u2026 tell the Universe it\u2019s at the top of the list\u2026 do it\u2026 cross it off\u2026 sleep with satisfaction.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Ok\u2026 I can hear your questions already\u2026<\/p>\n Your system hinges on choosing tasks based on your feelings? What about everyone else that your to-do list affects? Don\u2019t their feelings count, too?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n True; I\u2019m allowing myself to choose one thing that has to get done for MY feelings of daily accomplishment. Yes, I am putting my feelings first, and that is OK. Ultimately, I\u2019m working to reduce my night-time feelings of failure that result from a poorly prioritized to-do list. Happy Mama, happy family. Frustrated Mama, unsettled family. My feelings are important.<\/p>\n Who can choose only ONE big thing? There are multiple weighty tasks on the to-do list each day.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n You can. Yes, you CAN choose only one thing to top the to-do list. Of course there are other tasks to complete. No one is saying that you get to ignore everything else. But, once the main item is crossed off of the list, you can more calmly turn your attention elsewhere. The inability to prioritize ANYTHING on the to-do list, when EVERYTHING is screaming at you, is paralyzing. Choose one thing\u2026 just choose.<\/p>\n What about the tasks that repeat every week? Laundry never truly ends and trying to keep the front hall clear is Sisyphean. How do you approach these things?<\/em><\/p>\n While I can\u2019t put a recurring task in the top spot all of the time, I do choose one frequently. Simply rank it as number one every now and then, and cross it off when complete. Don\u2019t stress it. You\u2019ll get another chance at it some other day, and you can always buy more underwear if you need to.<\/p>\n What about the things left on the to-do list at the end of the day? Doesn\u2019t leaving stuff undone bother you?<\/em><\/p>\n It does. But, choose the positive spin\u2026 instead of thinking about the things you didn\u2019t do, remember that you DID complete your main task. As far as what to do with the list leftovers, move them up the chain and then choose one to be the big thing the next day. I\u2019ll admit that some never ascend and are marooned on the list for weeks. With this approach, though, my overall irritation is minimized. I know that any remaining items will eventually move up to the top of my list and be crossed off.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n For perspective, here are some of my recent number ones in no particular order:<\/p>\n I will walk today for an hour.<\/p>\n I will start digging up the lovely, but aggressive, woodruff groundcover that\u2019s taken over my garden.<\/p>\n I will pick up the clutter in the front hall.<\/p>\n I will go grocery shopping.<\/p>\n I will clear the \u201cdonate me\u201d pile.<\/p>\n I will do some laundry.<\/p>\n I will go to The Girlie\u2019s band concert.<\/p>\n I will watch Ink Master.<\/p>\n I will help my folks with their \u201cto do\u201d list for a few hours.<\/p>\n I will to go to Whole Foods and buy that amazing chocolate cold press coffee.<\/p>\n I will clean up the clutter in the front hall\u2026 for the millionth time.<\/p>\n I will vacuum the shag rug (ok, this almost never gets to the top of the list because it\u2019s really hard to do, but I can\u2019t put it off forever).<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I\u2019m happy to report that this new approach is working for me, so far. My attitude and stress levels have improved, and I am consistently getting stuff done. Most importantly, though, I\u2019m not beating myself up at night when I\u2019ve left to-dos on the list. That was the main goal of this new system\u2026 a number one task, itself.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Message of the Day: Don\u2019t confuse a to-do list with a must-do mandate. There will always be things to do, and it\u2019s ok if you don\u2019t check everything off of your list by the time you go to bed. Choose one thing to accomplish each day that will result in self-satisfaction when completed. Make it your goal. Once you check it off, everything else will happen as it needs to. Start small to win big.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Message number two: Be nice to yourself. You need your sleep.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Message number three: Consider hiring someone to vacuum your shag rugs.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I don\u2019t know about you, but my life has been crazy lately. Well, it feels like that, anyway. You know what I\u2019m talking about. You\u2019ve got a to-do list humming along, and then everything falls apart because life hurls a bunch of unexpected events into your day. Sometimes I find the humor in it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":219,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-220","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-subjects"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6ZedX-3y","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":262,"url":"https:\/\/www.peanutmark.com\/?p=262","url_meta":{"origin":220,"position":0},"title":"Exercises in Conversation","author":"Melissa","date":"November 29, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 My local Target store has self-service kiosks. They look helpful, but if you have used one you already know that they don\u2019t work at least 50% of the time. You inevitably end up standing at a lane with a blinking \u201chelp me\u201d light, and it takes FOR-EV-ER for someone\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random Subjects"","block_context":{"text":"Random Subjects","link":"https:\/\/www.peanutmark.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"target-self-checkout-screen-scanner-506x675","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/target-self-checkout-screen-scanner-506x675-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":31,"url":"https:\/\/www.peanutmark.com\/?p=31","url_meta":{"origin":220,"position":1},"title":"Cranberries","author":"Melissa","date":"November 25, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"It\u2019s Thanksgiving time again. I\u2019m always surprised when this holiday appears \u2013 as if it came out of nowhere. Summer slowly ends, the school year begins with all of its shiny newness\u2026 and just when you hit your stride in a daily routine, Thanksgiving appears and slows you down. 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I know others would disagree, but I don\u2019t see things like laundry and grocery shopping as chores. I choose to look at these activities as a comforting framework to my otherwise dynamic and slippery schedule. One errand I really\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family"","block_context":{"text":"Family","link":"https:\/\/www.peanutmark.com\/?cat=6"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/image.png?fit=640%2C1136&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/image.png?fit=640%2C1136&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/image.png?fit=640%2C1136&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":538,"url":"https:\/\/www.peanutmark.com\/?p=538","url_meta":{"origin":220,"position":3},"title":"I’m Fifty Years Old!","author":"Melissa","date":"May 24, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Well, I\u2019m about to turn 50 this weekend. It\u2019s a big birthday. One where folk often find themselves wondering who they really are, and where they are going in life. It\u2019s a half-point, if you\u2019re lucky; a place to stop, look back over where you\u2019ve been and then turn around\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random Subjects"","block_context":{"text":"Random Subjects","link":"https:\/\/www.peanutmark.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_156.jpg?fit=1024%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_156.jpg?fit=1024%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_156.jpg?fit=1024%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_156.jpg?fit=1024%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":189,"url":"https:\/\/www.peanutmark.com\/?p=189","url_meta":{"origin":220,"position":4},"title":"Spring Cleaning and Getting Dirty","author":"Melissa","date":"May 10, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 It\u2019s May in Minnesota, a time when this girl\u2019s heart turns to the thoughts of longer days, working in the garden, and memories of ex-boyfriends. Yes, while everyone around me is shedding their winter coats, I choose to wrap myself in the past and actively pull out old feelings\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random Subjects"","block_context":{"text":"Random Subjects","link":"https:\/\/www.peanutmark.com\/?cat=1"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/Image.jpg?fit=720%2C960&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/Image.jpg?fit=720%2C960&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/Image.jpg?fit=720%2C960&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.peanutmark.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/Image.jpg?fit=720%2C960&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":148,"url":"https:\/\/www.peanutmark.com\/?p=148","url_meta":{"origin":220,"position":5},"title":"Leilani","author":"Melissa","date":"January 11, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"\u00a0 When I was six years old we went to Hawaii for a family vacation and stayed at a magical resort where my parents honeymooned, the Coco Palms. Most nights, the resort hosted entertainment in the dining room, and I was always eager to go watch. 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